Beautiful Sunday!

Was everyone loving yesterday's weather? Wow! It was so incredibly nice outside. We didnt even put the kids in coats when we left for church. We went to church, sane church we have been going to for the past several weeks and cant wait to join! It was the last week on a series of sermons about finances, and next week starts the series on relationships and marriages, I am really looking forward to that. After church we stopped by Bojanges to get some food and headed over the the park near our house. We ate at a picnic table and then let the kids play on the playground. Brooke and Caleb ran off and climbed and were sliding with the other kids there. Arnold took Rachel to swing. She loves it.. each time she swings up she says Weeeee. So cute :) After she swang, Rachel kept sticking her head up the slides trying to see what the big kids were doing.. had to move her because she almost got trampled a few times, poor kid :P She also sat in the sand and kept picking it up and watching it fall through her fingers.. its so sweet to watch an innocent child play, with no cares in the world! Must be nice :) After they had played for awhile we all took a walk around the track. Wish we would have brought the stroller, because after awhile Rachel was really holding us up.. the kid loves to walk with us but makes many stops... and lets face it, her little legs just cant carry her that fast! But the kids had fun, and it was just so nice to get to enjoy the beautiful weather. I cant wait until spring and its weather like that every day!



That evening Joanne had invited Jackie and I over to her house for a movie night.. she wanted to have one last get-together before Ben gets here and things get a little crazy for her :) I left a littler earlier, and met Jackie at Once Upon a Child. I sometimes am able to find things there, and sometimes not, just depends on the day. i didnt find anything for Brooke this time, but lucked out on Caleb, which surprised me because I have a hard time finding boy clothes I like. I found the cutest outfit, new with tags, and I also found a dressy top that im pretty sure is going to be part of his Easter outfit. It is blue and green.. now I am going to try to find the girls easter dresses with green in them and have them all match! That will be cute. Anyway, Jackie rode w/ me down to Joannes house and I was glad to have her company. Especially here lately, where I am still weaning off my anxiety meds and have times when i feel sort of anxious or jittery, and I dont like to be alone on the road. We got down there around 5pm.. just on time! The movie we watched was "Dirty Dancing." I know its INSANE but i have never seen it! I used to LOVE the soundtrack when I was a kid, and remember singing all the songs. Guess i just never got around to watching the movie, though. I loved it. Pretty sure I would though, because I love all movies w/ lots of dancing and good music. My favorites are Grease and Mama Mia ;) We had some pizza for dinner, and Joanne had gotten some "Eclipse" Valentines day cupcakes for dessert. They had the characters on them.. but no Jacob! Boooo.. thats the one i would have picked! They were still yummy though ;) After the movie we hung out and talked.. mostly about the kids.. never fails! I am so excited for Joanne.. only 11 more days before she goes into the hospital to have baby Ben! :)


So after a movie night w/ Arnold and the kids Friday night, a trip to Boone w/ my hubby saturday, and church, the park, and a movie night w/ friends on Sunday, its safe to say that was a pretty awesome weekend and I was sad to see it end! Its only Monday.. and rainy.. and I am already wishing that this weekend would hurry up and get here!

Movie Night

Yummy Eclipse Cupcakes

Day Trip to Boone!

Saturday Arnold and I went to Boone for the day, for our anniversary. Thats where we went for a few days for our honeymoon, so it was sentimental to go back, too ;-) We dropped the kids off around 10am then headed up the mtn. We had a gas giftcard that could be used at a Shell Station, and we figured we would find one on the way, but never saw one. Eventually our gas light came on, that REALLY bothers me, but Arnold is pretty laid back and he was calm. But as we went up the mtn. it made it worse and it got looow really quick. So we kept looking and looking for a gas station-- ANY gas station at this point and it wasnt looking good. At that point we were like PLEASE God let us make it into town! We barely did, and pulled into a Hess station and got some gas. I would have been mad if we had cut our day short waiting for a towtruck to pull us off the side of the mountain!


Anyway, we went to Applebees for lunch. We had wanted to go to the restaurant we went to on our honeymoon, Canyons, but we passed it while trying to find gas and didnt want to stop. So anyway, I had a chicken faijita rollup and Arnold had steak and shrimp.. even shared a few of the shrimp w/ me ;-) I felt silly snapping pictures of everything that day, some people were probably making fun of me, but i had to document our day! ;) After lunch we drove downtown and put some change in the parking meter, then walked around. We went to the Old General store and looked around, they had a lot of cute things in there. I thought about buying something but the line was pretty long. Outside on the sidewalk I dropped our camera.. Im glad its ok, I have the WORST luck with dropping things.. I know it bugs Arnold! Anyway, then we got back in the van and drove down to the Tanger Outlets to do a little shopping. They have a lot of great stores there-- Gap outlet, Gymboree Outlet, Carters Outlet, Osh Kosh Outlet, and some others.. But i was mostly there for the kid stuff! I got Caleb a new pair of guitar pjs (which he was so excited about by the way-- that kid loves clothes as much as a girl ;-) And i also picked up a few other things including another little outfit for Joannes baby thats due any day.. Im a sucker for tiny baby clothes! :) in Gymbroree I found Brooke a dress that will be perfect for Valentines day, and Rachel a watermelon romper for this summer-- i REALLY hope it fits by then, i guessed on the size. Too cute to pass up! We had a great time and I could have spent a LOT more money if i could have, believe me!



We had thought about going walking at a park or going to a movie, but it was still pretty cold up there (there was still snow on the ground!) and we didnt know where the closest movie theater was. So we just ended up going to the Boone Mall. I found some cute things in Old Navy-- they were having an awesome sale. New shoes for Rachel, and a hoodie that was on clearance. And a KEROPPI shirt for Brooke--i was SO excited! Remember the Sanrio characters.. there was a frog? Well that was my favorite character from my childhood and I still have a stuffed frog that I got when i was a kid. I was excited to see a shirt in Brookes size and had to get it for her-- says "Green is my favorite Color" and has Keroppi in the middle. Perfect shirt for my kid.. love how you can push your loves and interests on your kids when they are still young ;) Anyway, we also stopped by Walden Books.. I hate that the one at home closed! I found Dr Suess floor puzzles, that were after some of the popular books.. so cute! Picked up 2 of the Green Eggs and Ham puzzles.. one for Caleb (might save it for Easter-- is it crazy that im shopping that far ahead?!) and one for a birthday party gift.



Lastly we stopped by a chocolate shop.. they had lots of yummy looking treats in there. I love me some chocolate! Arnold and I were both browsing and trying to decide what to get. I picked a white chocolate pretzel.. it was $2 just for that, pretty pricy for what, all of 3 bites? But i figured what the heck, its a special day. And then I see my husband pick this square-shaped weird looking nut cluster bar thing? I have no way to describe it. Drizzled in caramel. Looked so gross. And then i saw the pricetag-- $6!! Ridiculous! The girl beside us' expression was priceless. Then she said "WHAT are you going to do with THAT?" LOL! that thing was huge. And Arnold enjoyed it at first but it was a lot of work. He said man am I going to have to have dental work after this-- it actually made his teeth hurt. Nice choice, honey ;-)


So around 3ish we headed down the mountain. About halfway home we realized that the radio wasnt even on! We had been actually *gasp* TALKING. we realized how easy it is to carry on a conversation when there arent 3 kids in the backseat screaming, whining, singing, asking a million questions.. you know how that goes. We were definately sad to see the day end. We were SO relaxed the whole day, and it was just an awesome time. Wish we could do that more often, but I wont hold my breath. Will have to wait for the next special occasion ;)

Getting dangerously low on gas!

Ready for lunch

he caught me laughing..

Downtown.. caught him in a weird look?



Downtown

That nasty afternoon "treat"

Beautiful view! miss it already!

Stopped at the restaurant from our honeymoon. Just to take a pic :)

The Boys got Haircuts

I have been bugging Arnold forever to cut his hair. He has had his hair all different kinds of ways.. long (when we first met) which was really, really cute.. but then he got mistaken for a woman once so that changed that! Buzzed short which is how i like it. completely bald (that freaked his family out) and in-between whch is when I call him a mushroom head! haha. He has so much hair, its so thick its crazy! It had gotten to that stage where its just unmanageable and all over the place and downright fluffy.. so he decided to cut it. He buzzed it down and i think it looks pretty good now. The kids watched him cut his hair and were really into it.. and then on a whim we decided to buzz calebs hair, too. He has never had a buzz cut, so im still getting used to the look. He looks a lot "tougher" and maybe a little older now, but its cute! He *really* looks like his Daddy now! After that hair-cutting session we were ALL covered in hair and had to take showers because we were itching.

Calebs hair Before

Getting the cut

After!

Arnold starting the cut

After. I can see my hubbys face now :)

Update on Brooke: Diagnosis

We took Brooke to her appt at the neurologist this morning. Arnold was able to go with me and I am so thankful, my Mom was able to watch the two younger kids so we could go together. We followed the directions they gave us, but somehow ended up at another building, and I found myself just staring at the signs and finally a man asked me if i was lost. He told me it was the NEXT building down. so we got into the car and drove. We found the building number but not the name of the place, so we went in and I was so frustrated by then and asked the lady at the counter where it was. She said "you're here! you made it!" so thank goodness for that!



Anyway, we only sat in the waiting room for a second, it was really quick. The nurse took Brooke's weight/height and all that.. she is now 47lbs and 45 inches.. she has grown AGAIN! i swear that girl is going to be 7 feet tall ;-) Anyway, then we went back to a room, and finally the dr came in. I really, really liked him. He was kind to Brooke and very informative to us. He talked a mile a minute like most doctors, but he didnt mind me butting in every so often to ask questions.


Basically he told us that Brooke has epilepsy. They said she has had one seizure so far, that we knew of. Thats what happened in school when she blanked out and wet herself and all that. He said that there were unusual spikes in her brain waves, and there is something going on in her right quadrant in her brain. Hes not sure how severe/serious it is right now, so he wants her to get a brain MRI to get it checked out. He said some people have things wrong, or maybe that area didnt even develop right. No way of knowing right now. He said we will have to wait on the results from that before we make any more decisions. He said if it comes back abnormal, OR if she has another seizure that we notice, she will have to go on a daily medication. The meds are used to help prevent the liklihood of more seizures occuring, but it wont cure it. He said that otherwise, its our choice if we want to have her on the meds. So right now we are just watching, waiting and going to see how it goes. The dr said that thankfully, 70% or so of kids outgrow this.. and go on to be normal teens/adults. He said she has a good chance of being ok, which was reassuring. He also said that in the mean time we should keep an extra eye on her when she does things like swimming, bathing, climbing, etc.. things where she could slip, fall or hurt herself when blanking out. We were given emergency meds for her, in case she had one of the bad seizures, where you lose control and they want it stopped as soon as possible so they dont hurt themselves. Theres a good liklihood we wont even have to use it, which is what im hoping. He said that sometimes the problem in a certain part of the brain can spread to other parts and become a bigger problem. But we will pray that wont be the case!



So now we have a diagnosis. I know its a common occurence in kids, but its still tough to hear a Dr validate your worries and suspicions about something being wrong with your child. I just hate to think she has to go through this, and at SUCH a young age. I just hope and pray she is one of the lucky ones able to outgrow it. Maybe even so lucky that she wont have to take meds, that would be awesome. Its a little scary, but its also so new to us. The drs gave us the info about the National Epilepsy Foundation. numbers we can call if we have questions for nurses, and there is also a website to learn more about it. I am the kind of person who likes to learn ALOT about things, so im sure ill be looking into that.




They will call us soon after they set up the appt for Brooke to have her MRI. She will have to be sedated with it. I hope everything will go well with that.. she has never been under before. Anyway, when we left the nurse let her pick out a pink sucker and a few books.. i really thought that was neat. I really loved the people working there, they seemed very nice and knowledgable, and I feel like we are in good hands. Thanks to everyone for the kind words and messages during this time. Most of you know Im a huge worrier! Especially about the well-being of my kids. We appreciate any prayers you can spare for Brooke and our family in the upcoming months. Thanks :)

My Teriffic Kid!

Brooke got the teriffic kid award from school. They had told us the ceremony was going to be today, and we were afraid we wouldnt make it in time, because we were going to be at the dr. with Brooke. But we got lucky and got out just in time! We took Brooke back to school and they were waiting to go to the gym, so we got to watch the class in action for a few minutes, it was really cute. The kids all hugged Brooke when she came in, she has some good friends, even at this young age :) Then we went to the gym and Brooke sat with her class and Arnold and I sat in the back row. we were able to get a pic of her getting the award too, but it turned out a little blurry/grainy. The terrific kid awards were given out first thing, so we literally ran in and ran out.. Arnold had to get back to work. Along w/ the award she got a few neat little prizes, a pencil, coin, and 2 coupons for free kids meals or foods at local restaurants. I am proud of my girl!

The No-so-Happy Stuff

I thought I would also post another list, of not-so-pleasant things! Can you tell I am a little bored today? Better write it before Brooke gets home, when things get crazy around here ;)


~Things that make me Not so Happy~


-finding crayon drawings on the wall
-having to change wet bed sheets
-an embarassing tantrum in the middle of a store
-snot, throwup, spit or any other bodily fluids
-someone I care about having a hard time
-weaning off medication
-people who drive wreckless on the roads, or cut you off
-abortions
-Obama.. just sayin
-the gas prices right now.. crazy!
-the ugly "old-fashioned" coat Arnold insists on wearing. he loves it. i hate it!
-bullies
-having an argument with Arnold
-foot cramps in the middle of the night
-having a stressful day with the kids
-crumbs all over the floor that I have to pick up
-People who talk like they have no sense.. Bad slang, etc
-when someone doesnt RSVP- just doesnt say anything at all!
-The smell of onions.. and onions in general
-That time of the month :-/
-burning my mouth on hot food
-uneven numbers (yeah I am weird)
-Popping bubbles (gum) I hate the sound
-When my pen dies in the middle of writing something
-medical bills
-paper cuts
-The Backyardigans.. I cannot stand the songs
-When i have a song stuck in my head when Im trying to sleep
-nightmares that seem SO real
-Losing someone I love

What makes me Happy

I dont have anything important or "exciting" to write about today.. So i guess I will do another one of my lists :)


~Things that make me Happy~


-Freshly washed sheets on the bed
-Icecream.. in a cone!
-Warm towels right out of the dryer
-holding a newborn baby
-reading the kids bedtime stories
-getting a surprise or good news
-Rachels "woodchuck" face
-hearing Brooke talk about her day at school
-Brooke's drawings of faces, that look like aliens :)
-reading interesting blogs
-taking pictures of the kids
-Spring evenings
-listening to music from my childhood
-snuggling up to Arnold at night
-awesome comedies, like Modern Family and The Office
-someone complimenting me on being a good Mother
-a good book that i cant put down
-owls and turtles
-kids' consignment sales
-Yardsaling with my Sister-in-law and friends
-the occasional date night with Arnold
-the crushed ice at Sonics
-planning a birthday party
-finding the perfect gift
-getting unexpected cards in the mail
-dinner out with the girls
-playing cards with Arnold
-going through the carwash
-finding a great deal
-Target
-a good hotdog with mustard
-going to concerts in the summer
-blasting music and dancing with the kids
-watching Rachel sleep- with her butt in the air and snoring!
-How excited kids get over things
-Facebook
-when Arnold rubs my back
-getting my hair or nails done
-pretty sunsets
-listening to the rain fall outside your window
-Tax time and having extra money
-Outlet stores
-The color GREEN (can you tell??)

Contemporary Christian Music

Recently I have started listening to a lot of contemporary Christian music. I really, really like it. I love how up-lifting it is, and some songs have seriously spoken to me, and made me feel better when I was having "one of those days." Some of my favorites are Third Day, Casting Crowns, Matthew West, and The Sidewalk Prophets. Some of my favorite songs right now are "Born Again," "Lift up Your Face," and "My Own Little World." And one more song that Im not exactly sure who the artist was singing to when he wrote the words, but alot of the song reminded me of how I felt about my children. Things I would want to tell them someday down the road, about life and God, and how things can be so painfully hard sometimes, but God can help you get through anything. Here are some of the lyrics..

"Be Strong in the Lord

and never give up Hope

Youre going to do great things,

I already know

God's got His hand on you so,

Dont live your life in Fear

Forgive and forget,

but Dont forget why you're here

Take your time, and pray

Thank God for each day

His Love will Find a Way

These are the words I would say

Arnold and I are trying our best to bring our children up in a good Christian household. We have a LOT of work to do ourselves, believe me. But the kids really seem to enjoy going to church every week, and Brooke says the blessing for us at dinner every night. And every once in awhile they will say something like "Jesus loves me!" and i just smile.. :)

The Weekend

Like i posted in my last blog, Friday was mine and Arnold's 5-year anniversary :) He didnt get to take that day off from work, but it was still a great day. We didnt think we were going anywhere that evening, but I got a surprise call at lunch-time, and Arnold's parents had offered to watch the kids while we went to a quick dinner down the road. That just made my day! So that evening i was getting ready in the bathroom and I hear Arnold come in the door from work. I went into the kitchen and was totally shocked-- he had brought me home a bouquet of red roses-- my favorite! they were our wedding flowers, too. We decided on a day-trip next weekend to Boone for our anniversary, and recently bought a new computer, so we agreed on no gifts this year. So i wasnt expecting that :) See, even after a few years of marriage they can surprise you! So then we dropped off the kids and went down the road to Hannahs BBQ for dinner. We like going there occasionally. Arnold had some hotwings and soup and i had a chicken sandwich and greenbeans. I posted in a previous blog about us doing a thing at church where everyone was given out money and supposed to be generous with it and change someones day.. So i decided to use the money that night. We had a young waitress and she was really nice. So we left her our usual tip plus the money we got from church, so we gave her a $10 tip! i hope that made her night.. made me smile thinking about her finding it :) That night when we got home we watched "The Runaways".. i didnt really want to watch it but had had it on my list for Netflix and forgot about it, so they sent it. Arnold watched it while I was on the computer, haha.. didnt care for what i saw/heard, though.

We werent able to go to Boone on Sat. like we had originally thought, since we lost our babysitters last minute. So we got the kids ready and took them up to Hickory. We went to the mall and ate lunch at Subway. Trying to do better about not getting as much fastfood this year, because we were tempted just to stop at Mcdonalds on the way! Then we walked a few laps and stopped in a few stores. Went to Childrens place and got Brooke a new sweater and a valentines day headband. And a cute little outfit for my friend who is about to have a baby any day :) We had planned to stop by the calandar stand and get a calandar for the house.. they were only $4.99 the other day, but the stand was gone! Guess we waited too long.. oh well. Then after that we went to Target and picked up a few things we needed. That afternoon when we got home and put the kids down for a nap, ARnold went to his friend's house to play music with the guys. They arent a band anymore but they still get together occasionally and play music.. more bluegrass then rock these days. They are still planning on playing the Hildebran Redneck Festival this year, though. Anyway, later that night we watched the movie Dinner with Shmucks. Heard mixed reviews about it.. I liked it, Arnold hated it. I love Steve Carrell and his humor though.. And i tried those new Skittles Blenders.. they are GOOD! especially the Tropical Colada flavor.. reminds me of summertime :)

Sunday i woke up not feeling too well. Unforunately we didnt make it to church. I started having those pains in my upper ribs again, and it really hurt. I am confused as to why im still feeling so bad 4 days after taking my antibiotics. I think a kidney infection isnt the only thing going on with me.. Anyway, spent most of the day resting and watching movies. And yesterday afternoon while the kids were napping Arnold and I brought out our wedding video and watched it.. great memories :) Made me tear up to see how sweet and sincere Arnold's look in his eyes was that day. I love him so much!

5 Years!

Today is mine and Arnold's anniversary. We have gotten to a milestone of sorts, 5 years!! One part of me cant believe we've been married that long, and one part of me feeling like we've been married MUCH longer. Probably because all we have bee through in the past 5 years, its a lot more than most people experience in the first years of their marriage :P


I remember that Saturday afternoon, on 1/21/06. It was a cold, dreary day, but I wasnt going to let that ruin my mood! I got to the church with my maid of honor and 2 bridesmaids and we got dressed in the back room of the church, while eating Burger King (well they ate more than me, I was really nervous!) I remember I kept worrying if my dress would be too tight.. if you do the math you can probably figure out that I was in the early stages of pregnancy with Brooke. Not one of my greatest choices at the time, but I dont regret it in the least bit. We were in love before she was conceived though, and we always knew wed get married :) Anyway, I looked out the window and saw Arnold's truck was parked outside and then I REALLY started to get nervous. Just felt like iwas going through the motions at that point, walking around and having the photographer take lots of pictures. Then it was finally time, and my dad walked me up the strairs and down the aisle. I have a rash that I break out in when Im really nervous or mad and it was going full-force down my neck! I hate that it showed up in every one of my wedding pictures, but it will be a funny story to tell the kids one day. And then after the vows and rings we were married. Never have seen Arnold as emotional and beaming as he was on that day, it was very sweet :) And then we had our reception and later that evening we headed up the mtns to Boone to spend a few days for our honeymoon.



So fastfoward a few years and here we are today! We have been through so much. Three wonderful children. One that was born just 7 months after we were married. So needless to say we didnt get a lot of time to just spend together, but I know we will get that alone time back when the kids are grown and gone.. but I dont want to rush that! Then just 3 months after Brooke was born, 2 lines were showing up on another pregnancy test, and the following August Caleb was born. Biggest shock of my life having 2 kids so close together, but it worked out ok.. we found out what we were made of as parents! And then in OCT of 2008 we found out that Rachel was on the way, and unknowing to me at the time, she would be our last baby.



We have learned a lot over the years. Had to learn to live together and function in a household together. We were both still pretty young when we got married (20 and 24) so we were still at the selfish and immature stage in many ways. We had lots of arguments and miscommunication. I think over time I have helped Arnold learn to be more accepting of things, and to calm down when times get tough. He has taught me to be more confident, and not worry so much about what people think. We are almost complete opposites of each other in our likes and tastes, but somehow we make it work.



We have survived 3 kids. A scare where we thought we had miscarried Caleb. the loss of 2 childhood pets, the loss of a very special aunt. a family vacation. a near-death experience where we didnt know if I would make it. several fights where we werent 100% sure that WE would make it. The fear that my moms cancer might have come back. A family fight on Arnold's side. The loss and gain of friendships. Watching some of our best friends go through hard times or divorces, which really hurt us because we care for them so much. Buying our first vehicle together. Naming guardians for our kids if something happened to both of us. Me taking care of him for a week while he had the flu. Him taking care of me after my wisdom teeth surgery. a 6-week marriage class. I could go on and on but i wont bore you ;-)



I guess the point Im trying to make with all this is that its been a LONG road. And we still have a long road ahead of us. But I am glad that Arnold is my husband and I couldnt imagine anyone better alongside of me for this ride in life. I truly believe everything has worked out the way it was supposed to, and God has blessed me, and our marriage so much. I am looking forward to seeing what else he has in store for us. Happy Anniversary honey! :)

Arnold and I on our wedding day

A more recent pic of Us

Had to add this, thought it was funny!

Awesome News!

I have some WONDERFUL news to share, I am still so happy thinking about it.

Last year after the bloodclot issue I went to a Cardiologist and they did an EKG (ultrasound) on my heart. They checked things out and the dr said that my heart was pretty weak and that it was only functioning at around 50% and he was really worried. I wasnt pumping enough blood through my body, basically. If it had gotten much weaker I could have been headed towards heart failure.

This week I went in for my year follow- up EKG and today I went in to get the resuts and talk to the dr. he said I had done a complete turn around and my heart was now functioning at 100%! I was one of the lucky ones who recovered. I was just so so thankful when he said that. I have been pretty worried about my heart and my health lately. He also said that he is glad that we are done having kids because it would have been a real danger if I was ever pregnant again. He basically cut me loose and said that I shoudnt have to come back anymore, unless I had any more problems. I cried most of the way home.. from being happy. I was just so over-come with emotion. It has been such a rough year and a half for me. I feel like this good news will help me even more on my positive outlook on the future, and that im overcoming all the struggles Ive been through. I am just so thankful to God for everything he has done for me. I feel so blessed to still be here with my husband and kids. I guess God isnt finished with me yet! :)

Night at the Hospital

Yesterday I started feeling pains in the right side of my back.. but I didnt think much about it, i figured they would go away. Around 4pm the pain was still there though, so I took an 800mg Ibprofen. Then by the time Arnold got home from work at 530 I was doubled over in pain and having chills. The pain was stabbing and horrible, and I was starting to have abdomen pains too, that felt like labor pains. I asked a few people about it and they said it sounded like a gallbladder attack. On 1-10 for pain I was about an 8. Most of you know by now I HATE hospitals and doctors but i figured I should get it checked out in case, and get some pain meds. So we dropped off the kids with their grandparents and headed over to Catawba. When a nurse saw me and my area of pain she said it was gallbladder, too. So they did some bloodwork on me. Then we had to wait about 3 hrs in the wating room, that was the worst. They were SO backed up last night. I really hope we didnt pick up anything and get sick. So anyway, i finally get called back and lay on the bed. I also gave them a urine sample. The dr came in and examined me and said he would get me some pain meds and order some tests. So they hooked me up to an IV and gave me morphine. I have had that a few times before and it flips me out. It hits me really hard and makes my body feel stiff and numb then I start getting loopy and go in and out of consiousness. Ever since I started having anxiety problems though, its not good. My heartrate kept going up.. it was in the 120s for a long time. I had to do my best to fight off a panic attack, because I felt it coming on several times. Then a lady came in and wheeled me off to a Cat Scan.. thats like my 9th or 10th in 2 years. NOT good. The doses of radiation when you get to that number increases your risk for cancer like you wouldnt believe.. so Yeah, im a little worried now. So after that I just laid in the room and slept for a long time while Arnold watched tv. Finally the dr came in and said he saw nothing wrong with my gallbladder, but that he saw signs of infection in my urine and i had a bad kidney infection. I had had a UTI that got bad and spread to my kidneys. ARGH! i thought i was past the recurring Utis, guess I was wrong. Anyway, they gave me prescriptions for an antibiotic to take, and some pain pills for at home if I needed them.. Vikodin to be exact. Then i had to get up and try to walk out of there, which was interesting since I was so drugged. Thank goodness ARnold was there to help me walk. We stopped by Taco bell because we hadnt had dinner. I was already passed out again by the time we picked up the kids. And we got home and to bed around 2am. I slept until 11am this morning. That stuff is powerful!


I am feeling alot better today.. still a little bit of pain and tiredness but I think the meds will take care of it in a few days, i hope so at least!

Caleb & Rachel's Day Out

Every Wed. I take the Caleb and Rachel to the mall and walk laps with a few friends. A lot of people werent able to make it this week, but It was still fun. walked around with Amy and Katie, and got some exercise in. Caleb likes to walk and right beside the stroller and it always happens at LEAST once while we are there-- he slips and falls. Anyway, we stopped at a few stores to look around. Caleb now goes into stores and thinks he is entitled to a new thing every time.. like money really grows on trees or something! He picked up a cute pair of monster Pjs at the Baby Gap and started walking to the checkout, haha. I told him i wasnt going to get them that day and he got pretty upset. They WERE a great deal, but their pjs are like Oldnavy pjs where they are kindof tight around the wrists and ankles and hard to get on and off sometimes and thats frustrating. I promised him he could pick out a new pair of pjs soon. Later in Jc Penneys we met up with Michele.. she is a part of a Moms Group im in, and this was the first time i hang out with her. We walked some more and talked alot.. she was really easy to talk to. We then took the kids to play in the playarea. Every time we go there I am so nervous, especially this time of year because of all the germs. But the kids love it so much! I just hope they dont pick up anything because the flu or something like it would be the worst!


Around 15 till 12 I packed the kids back up in the van and we drove over to Jasons Deli to meet Lauryn and Grayson for lunch. I had never been in there before and i didnt know it was that big! We were there right in the middle of the lunch rush so I had to wait in along line.. Lauryn and I took turns sitting w/ the kids while the other one went to order food. I came back to the table and Rachel was eating some of lauryns soup. They had eaten alot of Grayson and her lunch.. i felt bad! Haha leave it to my kids to be the little beggars. Rachel sat on the side with Lauryn.. and I guess you could say she actually half-way behave. She loves Lauryn :) You should have seen the mess the kids made.. it was pretty bad! A lot of people looked our way several times, i dont think they knew what to think. Someone even asked Lauryn if Grayson and Rachel were twins :P But everyone knows that Rachel and Grayson are bf/gf and were on a lunch date.. thats the real reason we were there! ;-) After they finished eating they got some icecream. Rachel dug RIGHT in.. and got frustrated with the spoon so she just ended up sticking her fist in there and licking her hands.. made quite a mess and even ended up with icecream in her hair, but it was cute I guess. Anyway, lunch was pretty good and im sure ill have to go back soon with Arnold because hes been wanting to go.


After lunch Lauryn asked if we wanted to go over to Barnes and Noble. I didnt take Rachels stroller in and that was a BIG mistake! She went WILD in that store. She ran straight away from me and kept running down the aisles and I actually had to chase her. That was pretty embarassing :P Then we took them back to the kids' area to hang out and play. Caleb liked the train table but Rachel just kept dragging stuff down off the shelves that I had to keep putting back up. She started taking things to Grayson, in his stroller.. and he would hold on to them for her. Holding onto a girls' stuff for her.. sounds like he will be a good husband someday :) Rachel started playing with a cute little baby that was crawling around in the kids' area and started handing him things too. Lauryn and I started talking to his mom. Rachel knows no strangers I guess, she made a friend! :) Once again Caleb thought he deserved something so he picked up a Toy Story book with buttons that made noise and carried it around. When we were ready to leave I told him to put it up and he started whining. I tried my BEST to explain to him that you dont get something every time you go to the store, and that he might get a new book for Valentines day. But of course you cant reason with a 3-year old, so as we walked up to the checkout line and waited on Lauryn his whining turned into a full-fledged tantrum. It was so embarassing, I think i saw the woman behind me roll her eyes! I probably would have spanked him but i was holding Rachel, plus I didnt want to create a scene. So i just booked it out of there.



As soon as we got home and changed Rachel we were ready to go pick up Brooke. We usually dont stay out that long at one time, so Id say the kids did pretty well, considered. And im REALLY lucky that Rachel lasted that long in her diaper because I ran out of the house that morning and forgot her diaper bag..

Icecream smile!

Out of the norm Evening

I know, two blogs in one day. I am writing this one mostly because I am sitting here bored. Im sure i could find something more productive to do if i REALLY tried though ;-)

Arnold is working late tonight. He has your typical 8 or 9-5 job that he works mon-fri and then is off the weekends. I have really taken that for granted in the past i guess. he calls me this afternoon and tells me that he is going to have to work late because they have some project that has to be finished by noon tomorrow. Sooo, this evening I made them dinner. Most of you know that I am a horrible cook and I dont cook much-- Arnold does a lot of our cooking (other than simple things that I do occasionally) and so tonight the kids had hotdogs and green beans. Gourmet meal right there! They seemed to enjoy it, though. Then i ran the bath water and got them stripped down and into the tub for their bath. They splashed around for awhile before I actually washed them. May need to seperate Brooke and Caleb into seperate baths from now on because tonight i caught them "exploring" parts if you know what i mean. That was awkward! But i know its a curious phase kids go through. Anyway, after the baths I got them all into Pjs and let them play for awhile. They begged me to watch Kipper, which that show does not go over well with me at all, mostly because the theme song is annoying and gets stuck in my head. But since i thought it might get me a second to sit down and rest, i let them watch it while they had their dessert. That didnt last long though-- they were up making a mess pretty quickly. So i cleaned that up and then gathered them all on the couch for story time. We have to read a few stories every night, and the kids usually pick the same ones over and over so they pretty much have them memorized by now. Some of their favorites that we read were The Grouchy Ladybug, Just Like Mommy, Llama Llama Red Pajamas, and their newest latest Llama Llama Misses Mama. After the stories we brushed teeth-- which took a lot of time because ever since they got spin brushes for Christmas its one of their newest fascinations. And finally-- I got everyone tucked in and kisses and hugs all around.



So I realized just how awesome my husband is tonight, as a father.. he helps out a lot in the evenings. Especially with bathtime. After doing everything alone tonight I am pretty tired. I am now sitting around waiting on him to come home. I am not sure when that will be.. but he called awhile ago and said maybe not till 9pm or so :-/ I dont know how some of you girls do this on a regular basis! You are a lot stronger than I am.. i am quite content with the regular schedule Arnold has. But on the plus side, its nice to sit here in the quiet and do whatever I want for awhile tonight :P

Tuesday

This morning I got up and started getting ready for my appt at the Cardiologist and Arnold got ready to take Brooke to school-- she was FINALLY getting to go back! 10 mins later he shows back up.. with brooke. He said that they had a 2-hr delay, but no one had gotten a phone call because the phone systems were messed up, and everyone had showed up on time and were told to go home. Poor Brooke was heartbroken and kept asking when she could go back.. she is very impatient-- guess she gets that from me!

Anyway, i finished getting ready then went to my appt. I went to see a Cardiologist about a year and a half ago with some problems with palpatations, it all started after I started having bad anxiety and taking the anxiety pills. Had to wear a holter for a day and they did a heart ultrasound (EKG) and the dr said that my heart had been weakened from the bloodclots i had had in my lungs, and it wasnt pumping blood as well as it should. So he wanted to see me back later in the year to get a repeat ultrasound to see if it was doing better. So thats what i was in for today. The ultrasound lady let me watch (last time i didnt) and it was strange because its seeing your own heartbeat flicker on the screen instead of your future son or daughter's, which is what im used to! ;-) But it was interesting to watch. And i watched my heartbeats go across the screen and a few times there were high spikes or weird squigglies, and she wrote down "palpatations" under the diagnosis. So they were finally able to track those things down on a report, which is good I guess since they never seem to happen when Im around a doctor. She said she cant say much since she is not the Dr, but that my pump output looks better, so that is good news! I have an appt with the dr on Thurs. to talk about the results and where to go from there. But so far i think its safe to say that my heart has strengthend up in the past year! :)



Just wanted to also post real quick that today my sweet little Woodchuck is 19 months old! Before you know it we will be having her 2-year birthday party, i cant believe it :-/ And we call her Woodchuck as a loving nickname because she has this smile where she scrunches up her nose and smiles real big and shows all her teeth.. its funny.. youd just have to see it! Anyway, i included a few pics of Rach..

Bath time!

Ready for the Snow

Sisterly Love :)

Read my Blog? Please Read..

I have thought about making my blog private.. just because it occured to me that anyone in the world can read it right now.. and a few people started "following" my blog and im not even sure who they are!

I havent made my final decision, but if you read this and arent already "following" my blog on the blogger site, and want to continue to read it, just drop me a comment if you dont mind, so when imake it private i can send you the link or blog invite thing. Thanks.

The Day from Hell!

So today was one of those days. The kind of day where i said: if a Stay-at-home-mom survived this day, she deserves a medal!

It all starts when I get up and am extremely tired and cranky. Having read my previous posts you know that a. I had insomnia and barely slept the night before and b. I am NOT good on not a lot of sleep! So it was like already setting up the day for rough times. Not to mention its THAT week, yes the dreaded PMS.

Brooke was off again from school today, some kids went back but her school system decided to observe the holiday and let them go back tomorrow. So I had all 3 kids at home, restless as can be. The whole morning was them destroying the toy area in the living room, wrestling, fighting, whining, and toys flying. At one point i sat down and ignored them, I had had to calm down.

Around 11:30 i started to make the kids lunch. I have Rachel tugging on my leg and whining because she saw me putting grapes on her plate and she didnt understand why she had to wait! Then in the middle of that my mom calls and I answer and talk to her.. she asks me, "why are the kids yelling?" because mom-- they want their lunch! So i finish lunch, set the kids down with their food and clean up some more. I return to find overturned applesauce, crumbs all over the floor smushed into tiny pieces and Rachel covered head to toe in stains. I start to vaccuum up the crumbs and do yet more cleaning. It is unusually quiet, so i decide to go investiage and I find Rachel in the bathroom. (i thought i had shut that door!) and she had decided to take all their bath toys, tub letters, and soap spongies in the toilet. After scolding her and cleaning off her hands, we head to the living room.


I sit on the couch and start reading the kids library books we recently got. One child (Brooke) is climbing all over the couch and trying to play her Leapster because obviously reading stories isnt as "cool" anymore. Caleb is whining because I wont let him sit right on top of my lap while I read. and Rachel is in the floor pulling the little cards out of the back of the books.. which thankfully I see her before she rips or tries to eat any of them. Which yes, has happened before. Dont wait to tick the library people off!


Finally I put a dvd in for the kids. My mom calls again, and i take the call while trying to break up a fight between BRooke and Caleb. They are fighting over space on the couch. Caleb is repeatedly kicking Brooke. So i take Calebs arm and pull him over to the end of the couch and seperate them. Problem solved, right? At that exact moment Caleb throws his head back and smacks it right into the corner of the bookshelf. At first he is screaming and I think thats my biggest problem.. then i see the blood gushing from his head. I start to flip. out. I am not good on blood. I basically sat there in a trance for a moment before icould react. I started BAWLING.. it hit me that i had just been being hard on the kids and felt so guilty that now Caleb was in pain.. and at the moment I didnt know how bad it was yet. So i run to the kitchen and get a wet cloth and hold it on his head to try and stop the bleeding. All the while BRooke is picking up on the stress and sits there crying and saying oh no caleb is hurt, caleb is hurt! So i try to calm her down at the same time. Meanwhile, Rachel is sitting on the floor, watching tv, and oblivious to the chaos going on around us (she must have gotten that from her father! ;-) Anyway, ill admit, im still a little girl at heart and my first instinct is to call my mom! and she is luckily in the area anyway so she says she will be right over. Meanwhile i sit there and hold the cloth on calebs head, rub his leg, and chant to the kids that it will all be ok. I finally get the courage to look at calebs head and i see a big cut, cant tell how deep it is, but it looks pretty bad. So when Mom gets there i call the dr. I get put on hold (seriously?) and they proceed to put me on hold SEVEN more times while im on the phone. Finally the girl tells me that I have to take him to the ER. And i told her.. so youre telling me you can do stitches there but I have to take my son to the scary hospital and spend $150?! And she basically says- yeah, sorry! At this point i hang up and call everyone i know to get their opinions. Thankfully the bleeding stopped. and mom and i doctored it up with meds and little bandaid strips. So no... i didnt end up taking him to the ER. He is doing ok tonight.. I think he will be ok.



So since he hit his head, I kept caleb up all afternoon with me so I could watch him. He was pretty sweet... wanted me to read him books and snuggle with him. THANKFULLY the girls took naps. WEll, after Brooke put up a HUGE fight for me because she swears up and down shes never tired and doesnt need one anymore.. Pshhh, ok, sure.



So in the end.. I go out to dinner tonight w/ a good friend. Get away for an hr or so. It feels so good and I start to de-stress. Then i get home.. and I see the kids are still up, not even in the bath yet, and i see casserole from supper all over the kitchen floor. So much for de-stressing!


Will tomorrow be better?? PLEASE Lord, let it be so!!

Insomnia

So last night I had I guess what you would call insomnia. I laid there forever, and i just couldnt turn my brain off. My body was tired, but my eyes would just pop back open if I tried to shut them. Some of you know I am big on my sleep.. seriously. I have always been the kind of person who liked to sleep in, hated mornings, could take a nap whenever I was able to.. and still sleep well at night. And I need 8-9 hrs to function, even as an adult! Anyway, I have only experienced insomnia once that I could remember-- and that was last summer when i first started weaning off my anxiety meds. For 8 days I would lay there at night, nothing helping me go to sleep. I tried warm showers, exercise, reading.. nothing did the trick. I would eventually drift off, but I would wake up SEVERAL times, and didnt get hardly any consecutive sleep at all. I was a walking zombie, and it was one of the worst feelings I had experienced. So when I woke up and saw every hour on the clock last night, i started feeling worried. I really hope that the weaning this time is not causing this, and its just a fluke. I dont think I could handle another week or so of this! I need to be alert and awake for the kids. And of course today I have all 3 of them at home. They kept the MLK holiday and didnt have a makeup day today at Brooke's school. Soo.. I guess I am in for a long day ahead! I just hope that tonight I lay down and actually get some SLEEP! Good thoughts my way if you dont mind! :)

Church

We have been going to Christ Church- Fairgrove campus for several weeks now and I am really starting to like it! I really see us doing a membership class soon and going through the process to join.

Anyway, yesterday I took the kids myself. We were running late so I had to park across the road at Wendys. Not fun trying to run across the busy highway with 3 kids! I was just hoping that they would hold onto me and not lag behind or run for it! We made it, and I dropped them off in their classrooms. Then i went and sat in the last row.. it was pretty crowded yesterday! our pastor had asked us to take the challenge of inviting people to our church. I had asked a few people to go, and last week I had a friend come, and yesterday I had another friend and her husband come and visit. I am so happy they came, and I think they enjoyed it.

The pastor is starting a 6 week course on finances and relationships. The series is called "Its Complicated." I really like how he preaches on a lot of things I can relate to, and I always seem to get something out of what he teaches, and so does Arnold. He started off the series with a sermon on finances. We talked about the steps to take to get right financially in your life. At the end of the service everyone was handed out an envelope, which had either $5, $20 or $50 in it. We were instructed to go out this week and find a way to use it to bless others. One of the steps he had talked about was to Give Generously. He said he didnt care if it was paying for someones groceries or dinner behind you in line, taking coffees into work for your coworkers, buying someones dinner, or whatever. He said the Christ Church had done this before and they got a lot of awesome feedback on it and alot of people said they had been blessed. So anyway, i got a $5, which isnt much, but I know I can do something good with it if i put my mind to it. I prayed about it and I know God will show me what to do with it, and an opportunity will arise! They also asked for us to go on the website and post the story of what we did with the money, so I am interested in seeing the stories people post.

Cant wait to go back next week! I really feel a change in my life happening..

Kids' First time Skating!

Took the kids to a birthday party today. It was the kids' first time skating! The skating rink was in Hudson. I had written down the directions the internet gave me, but It took us some strange way and I was calling everyone desperate to get there because Arnold gets so angry when he gets lost.. and doesnt want to ask anyone for help.. typical man. So right after I got off the phone, we were lucky enough to find the rd and only arrived 25 minutes late ;-)

We started out walking around with the kids and holding their hands, helping them get used to it. Caleb had the kiddie skates, and Brooke had thre regular skates, so she was having a hard time. She fell every 2 seconds! She held onto the railing the whole time there. Caleb on the other hand LOVED it. He ran off with another little boy and skated all over the place. When he fell he just laughed it off and got back up-- I was proud of him :) Then ARnold and I got on skates too. I used to skate alot but its been a LONG time. havent skated since I broke my tailbone skating when i was younger. That hurt! It was hard to get used to it again at first, I was all over the place. But soon I was gliding around, and it was so fun. Arnold on the other hand.. was having a hard time.. haha. He had a WIPEOUT, i mean he fell smack on the ground and grabbed the railing so I think his butt, back and arm are all sore right now. he said he couldnt believe how sore he was when we got done.. I told him I was fine! ;-)



After skating for awhile we all ate pizza and chips, and then had some cake. A girls that a lot of us know from a Moms group made it, and she makes the most beautiful and delicious cakes! It was a Pirate Party, so it was a huge treasure chest. (I included a pic) half was chocolate and half was vanilla. So good i ended up taking a piece to go ;-) Then the kids wanted to skate again. I went back out and I got a little too cocky and tried to take pics while skating.. thats when I nearly fell! I got embarassed and left the floor.. but at least i didnt actually fall! After the presents we had to go back and pick up Rachel. She had stayed with Arnolds parents since we knew she was too young to skate and we would have a hard time keeping up with her. It was a great time and I liked getting to see some friends I dont get to see that often! I think the kids are ready to go skating again soon (especially Caleb!)

Made it 2 Weeks!!

Some of you know that I have been on anxiety meds (ativan) for the past year and a half. After I got out of the hospital w/ the bloodclots, I started having really bad panic attacks, and general anxiety about things happening to me again, so the dr prescribed me the meds.. supposed to be for short-term use. But i ended up having a lot of anxiety issues over the next several months, so i stayed on them. Last summer i decided to start weaning off them, so I came down half a pill in the afternoons. That was REALLY rough. They said that its a really hard drug to come off of, and can be really difficult withdrawl symptoms. I started feeling pretty down and anxious when first came off them, then a week or so into it I started having insomnia. Really bad.. i didnt hardly sleep for 8 days. I was a walking zombie. I was just at such a low point. But i stuck it out and eventually I got used to the new dosage.


It took me until this year to get the courage to try the weaning process again. I figured Id go even slower this time around, so 2 weeks ago I stared cutting my afternoon pill to just 1/4. I didnt feel much at first, it was going pretty well and I was surprised. Then a week in I started feeling depressed. One day I was just so tired with no energy what-so-ever and laid around in bed 3/4 of the day. Thank the Lord that we had snowdays that day and ARnold was home from work to help me out, or I dont think I would have gotten thru it. He said he thinks that happened for a reason and he was there to help me out when I really needed it! So anyway, then I gradually started feeling better again.. then a few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night, it was about 3 am. And i had a racing heart and some bad anxiety and just couldnt sleep.. it was the worst feeling. I sat up in bed and woke up Arnold. He talked to me for alittle bit but he fell back asleep. So I tried my best to lay back down and think of happy thoughts and I ended up drifting back to sleep and slept pretty well.



So as of today I have offically made it 2 weeks! and i am soo proud of myself. It sounds simple, but its really tough going through something like this. I used to think depression and anxiety were just being "sad" or "worried" until i experienced both and realized that they were true medical conditions, with mental changes and physical changes. Its nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It has been a long road, but I think it has made me stronger. The reason i started weaning in the first place is that the pills make me feel really sedated, and sometimes pretty dizzy and in a fog. I just want to be able to be there the best i can for my kids, So i would like to start re-training my brain how to live without the meds. My plan now is to give each dose cut-down a month or two, and then move on to the next if everything is going ok. Next step would be to cut my MORNING pill in half, and im going to try for that around March.



Thanks for all the support Ive gotten from a lot of you, and I appreciate any and all prayers you could spare for me as I continue through with this! :)