You never want to drive down your parents' street and see it swarming with police cars, ambulances and fire trucks.
Let me back up a minute. My dad has always had problems with his back. He's had several surgeries. Recently he had been having a hard time just taking a walk. He decided to go get another surgery, in hopes it would improve his quality of life. The surgery was friday the 11th. The surgery itself went well and they let him go home the following day. But at home he started getting very sick on his stomach and throwing up. He was becoming dehydrated. He spent a lot of time in his recliner resting.
On Thursday the 17th, he got up and decided it was time to go see a dr since he wasn't getting better. Mom helped him walk from the living room to the back door. Just outside on the step he started to go down and asked mom to try to grab him. Of course mom being so much smaller than him couldn't handle it so she guided him to the ground. Dad had passed out, and mom called 911. The paramedics showed up and did over 30 minutes of CPR on him, but it was too late, he just didn't respond. They did not give us an exact cause but everyone's guess is either heart attack or a blood clot.
I had been calling mom just about every day to check on dad. This certain day I texted her how is dad doing and she said "bad." Then she actually called me awhile later, around lunch time, and said "I dont know how to tell you this but paramedics are outside doing CPR on your dad." Then she had to hang up and talk to them. I of course freaked out and tried to get ready to leave. Arnold came home from work and picked me up and we rushed over to their house. He kept telling me to have faith that it would be ok. I really tried to cling to that little bit of hope.
We parked down the street since it was blocked with emergency vehicles. I ran down the street towards the ambulance. All the neighbors were outside watching the chaos going on. When I got to the ambulance Arnold told the guy I was the daughter. He then told me "I'm so sorry for your loss." And that, is how I found out my dad had died. Even though he was sweet about it, it seemed so impersonal and so hurtful. I started to cry and they sat me down on the back of the ambulance for awhile. Then Arnold helped me make my way over to the driveway, where Mom's best friend Nancy was on the phone making calls. When I got over to her she hugged me and I cried all over her.. sorry Nancy!!! At the time mom was still talking to the policemen.
Death is always hard, but this was especially tragic. We did not at all expect dad to pass away. We were all in shock. They had put a sheet over dad and he was laying in the garage. Arnold tried to keep me away from the garage and seeing that, but it was almost impossible. We all sat outside in lawn chairs for the longest time, talking to neighbors, police, and the pastor. It seemed so cruel but they kept him there for the longest time, since it was at lunchtime it took forever for someone to come pick him up. After they finally did, Arnold and Nancys husband went to clean up the garage. I did not want Arnold to have to do that, but that just shows how amazing of a man he is.. he did not want mom and I to have to walk in there like that.
After we finally got inside we hung around and talked and my best friend came over to see me. She knows my parents very well and it really hurt her too. She was amazing... helped Arnold start cleaning up around the house and do whatever needed to be done. As the day went on, several of moms family members started to drive in from out of town. Including alex, my brother, who lives down in charleston. He ended up staying through the weekend.
Friday, Arnold, alex, mom and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Dad was a big planner and he had already arranged and paid for what he wanted. Made it a lot easier on us. He is being cremated and will be placed outside their home church. But they had prepared his body so we could go see him. We walked into the room and I was just.... there are no words. There is no way to prepare someone to see their daddy like that. To be fair, they had done a really great job, he looked good. It looked like he was just taking a nap and would be up joking with me any minute. I told him a few things and said my goodbyes. I ended up getting a nosebleed in there.. terrible timing! I get them alot due to allergies and stuff.
When we had our meeting with moms pastor, he told us the ways we could make his funeral personal and we decided to make a slideshow of his life. We went back through old albums and found pictures even back to his baby years. Arnold put the slideshow together and added music.. and i Know it will be beautiful.. but I can't bring myself to watch it yet. We decided on what songs we wanted for the funeral.. I added two of my favorite old hymns that always comforted me. A lady at church is going to sing "No more scars in Heaven." i hadn't heard that song before but it is BEAUTIFUL and describes dad so well. He had so many scars for so many surgeries.. but now he is in heaven and he will never have to hurt again. I know I will bawl when they sing that. We have decided to put a framed pic of him up front of the church with flowers and his football from highschool. He was a huge sports fan.
I can't even begin to thank everyone who has helped us along the way. Moms best friend has been a constant in helping mom get through this so far. My husband has been my rock and just held me when I cry. My aunt came in and cleaned moms house and made it look so nice. Nancy took mom to buy an outfit for the funeral. My uncle is coming to stay with mom so she doesnt have to be alone.. we have all been trading off nights. I slept in my childhood bedroom for the first time in FOREVER. It was comforting and sad at the same time.
Anyway.... Dad's service is Saturday and right now I just feel at a stand still. There has been so much to take care of this week and it has been keeping me so busy. At the end of the day I am so exhausted.. grief is so exhausting!!!!! So many people have reached out and told me their memories and stories of dad. I knew he had friends, but It warmed my heart to see how many CLOSE friends he really did have. So many people are coming in on saturday to pay their respects.. I don't think my mom realizes how many lives he actually touched! I know it will be a hard day to get through. Since everyone knows Im a writer, I decided I would write something to be said at the funeral. There is NO WAY i could get up there and speak. First of all im terrified of public speaking.. but on this day itd be impossible. So my brother is going to read it for me, and say something from him and mom, too. I hope he can get through it! Dad's best friend is going to speak, as well. I enjoy hearing stories about dad from a different point of view, so I look forward to that.
Thank you to everyone for the thoughts, prayers, calls, comments, flowers, food, cards, gifts, and love during this time. It has made a REALLY challenging time just a little bit easier. We love you all.
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