My Adoption Story and Journey Details!

This is a picture of my dad holding me, the day they adopted me. I was dressed in a little white dress, and placed in a fancy bassinet for them to see when they walked in the room :)

As you all know, this past month has been a rollercoaster for me. I thought I would write my backstory and all about my journey to fill in details.



I was born on July 1st, 1985. I'm not sure of the town, or hospital, or a lot of details about myself at birth. I wasn't given a name. I spent the first 5 weeks of life with a foster family, then was adopted in August of 85 through an adoption center in Greensboro called Children's Home Society.

My adoptive parents, Guynell and Richard, were never able to have children of their own. They tried, and they even visited a doctor, but they couldn't find any logical reasons why they couldn't have kids. So they decided to look into adoption. They adopted me in 85 and my younger brother, Alex, from the same center 4 years later. Alex came from another family, so we are not biological siblings.

I had an amazing childhood and love my family very much. They were honest with me from the get-go about me being adopted, and never tried to hide things from me. I remember feeling curious and confused, but I was never upset with it. I was just happy I was being raised in a loving home. Over the years I did start to have questions about what had happened that caused me to be given up, what my pregnancy and birth were like, and what my birth parents looked like. Richard and Guynell were given very limited information, including general appearance of my mother, some health history, and such.. but no identifying information. The records were sealed and it was a "closed" adoption, which was very common in the 80s. Over the years I really never thought about being adopted, I always forogt about it actually, except for on certain occasions. Every year on my birthday I would wonder if my biological mother was thinking about me that day. If someone told me I looked or didn't look like my adoptive parents.. I would explain why. If we had to do family trees and history for a school assignment I would just do it for my adoptive family.. but would start thinking more about my biological background.


Earlier this year, Arnold got me an ancestry kit as a gift. I had been thinking about doing one for the longest time. I wanted to know my background of where I came from and what I had in me, and if I had an DNA matches, then that was just icing on the cake. I spit in the tube, sent it off, and waited for weeks to get the results. On the Sunday evening i got the text, I went straight online to the ancestry website and looked up my results. I saw I had tons and tons of matches, but none were "close" matches. The closest matches were possible cousins and more distant cousins and relatives. I was a little discouraged, but still happy to have the information I had gotten.


For the next few days I went on the ancestry messenger and sent messages to all my closest matches, asking if they know anything about a woman in their family who had given a baby up for adoption. Everyone either responded that they didn't know, or they didn't respond to my message at all. Then one day I got a message from a very distant cousin, who was British, named Dennis. He said hi and asked me about my background. He is very into ancestry and solving mysteries, so he wanted to try to solve my adoption story. He made family trees, family connections, and worked day and night on it, and eventually gave up. The family tree on my father's side is just extremely large and was hard to put everything together. That same week a guy named Rich, who is a cousin, messaged me and said he is a scientist in NC and loves ancestry and DNA, and wanted to help me figure out my background, too. He worked and worked on my family trees and matches for weeks. I was beginning to feel like my life was a mystery challenge, and everyone was having the greatest time trying to crack the code. Meanwhile, I was going through emotional ups and downs, wondering if I'd ever get any real answers.


I had practically given up and gone back to real life when I met more cousins from the site, named Trevor and Cindy. They also started talking to me every day and wanting to crack this mystery. We found a lot of possible matches but they just didn't fit. Then one day with some general information I had gotten from a search angel, an NC birth records index, and some snooping, Cindy sent me a couple of FB profiles that MIGHT fit the last name of my possible birth mother (her now married name) I looked into their pictures, it was two brothers. They were both tall, with darker features, and I thought maybe this is a possibility? Then I looked into some pictures and found one of them in the 90's with their parents. When I looked at the woman, I got chillbumps. I saw MY FACE. Keep in mind this was at 3 AM one morning. I had been obsessed with this for days and was staying up late trying to get all the information I could before I got tired. After seeing the picture, I started pacing the house and freaking out. I really thought that was it. Everything matched-- the hair and eye color, she wore glasses like I was told, was tall and had long legs. Oh and did I mention.. she looked JUST LIKE ME?! I sent the pictures to a few friends and they all agreed. We could be twins.


After a few days of trying to get over the shock that this might actually finally be it, I decided I wanted to try to contact this woman. Cindy helped me find some phone numbers, and we tried every one of them. They were all out of service or the wrong person. We couldn't find an email for her. I tried to message her on Facebook, but she didn't have messenger so she never got it. I didn't want to contact her sons in case they didn't know about me and I didn't want to start any family drama. Cindy talked to one of the sons and said we were doing some research on their family name, and I was a match to their family line. She asked if my possibile Bio mom would contact me. He and his mother seemed very skeptical, as I figured they might. They thought there was a possibility that we were trying to scam them. At this point we were already in too far, and I just told him the truth, through facebook messenger. I asked him to ask her if she had given a baby up for adoption on July 1, 1985. And she said... yes. I FOUND HER.


Needless to say, I shocked the heck out of this family. Turns out I have 2 half brothers and they are both a little younger than me. They all still live in NC, and the younger son I was talking to happened to be with his mom that day, so he was able to support her while she was in shock, and talk to her and me and kindof be our intermediary. My bio mother turns out to be a quiet and private person, and was having a hard time talking directly to me (which I understand!) so we talked through her son for awhile. I told her a little about my life so far, and thanked her so much for giving me life. I sent her a few pictures of me growing up, and we swapped baby pictures (I see where I got my baldness from as a baby! haha) She pulled out my birth records and adoption records, which she still had at her house. All along, her son was telling me she was very emotional and processing all this, and they were very happy I had tracked them down. Her son and I are already friends on facebook, and he has been so very kind and friendly to me, acting like I belonged right away.


So I know everyone is dying to know where we go from here? Honestly I don't know. I just dropped a huge bomb on these people, and I know it will take awhile for them to come to terms with it. From what I see, my biological mother is a very sweet person, and right now she is just scared to talk to me, which I am too!!! I am open to just about anything moving forward, we will just have to wait and see how it plays out. My brothers said they are open to finding out more about me and maybe even meeting one day down the road. They have encouraged their mom to reach out to me when she's ready, and I really hope she does. This feels like a while new adventure for me. I have waited almost 35 years for these answers. I finally feel relief.




A few FAQ for you--


Why did I search? Don't I love my family? YES!!! DO NOT BE MISTAKEN! I love my parents and brother so much and I am NOT looking for a replacement mother/family. I have had an amazing life and owe it all to them. But adoptees always feel like they are missing a little piece of themselves, and that is natural. I never know even the basic things that people take for granted, like what town I was born in. What my birth was like. What medical issues run in the family. I NEEDED these answers for me own sanity and curiosity. 



Do I know who my biological father is? No, not yet. Although I would be open to finding this out. I haven't asked my bio mother yet because we are still getting acquainted. We found his family on ancestry, but the only way to surely track him down will be from a family member confirming it, or if he took a DNA test.


When will I share pics and more details? I want to SO badly.. I look so much like my biological mother that it is crazy. I want you guys to see. But I'm trying to respect their privacy still at this point, and am waiting until I feel its appropriate to share more details.


So the DNA kit really didn't solve this mystery?! We didn't exactly track down my mother with proven DNA, but without the ancestry kit I wouldn't have met all these awesome people who have helped me through this journey.


How am I feeling??? So many emotions. I've been anxious. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been excited. I've felt worried that they might reject me. I've felt relief that I don't have to look anymore. I've felt happy that I've met so many biological relatives along the way. I feel thankful that God answered my prayers to make this happen.

Q&A Session: Arnold & Abby Edition

How did you two meet? We met online. On Yahoo personals to be exact ;) I used to be embarrassed to admit that to people, but these days it's more common to meet online! I had just gotten out of a relationship and was looking for fun, casual dating, etc. Our first date was very awkward and I wasn't even sure if we'd see each other again. But we did.. and actually we ended up getting married just 4 months after meeting!



What things do you do to stay close? Let's see.. we try to go on a date night once a month. We have a few tv shows that we always watch together.. including Grey's Anatomy, The Good Doctor, and This is Us (I hooked him on that eventually!) We send each other quick texts or memes throughout the day. We do a marriage devotional together.

How are you alike? And different? We both have similar upbringings, our parents are still alive and married after 40+ years, and we both grew up going to church and being close to our families, etc. We of course share the same religious beliefs, and for the most part the same political beliefs. We like some of the same music and go to some concerts together.. but there is a lot we don't agree on either. He loves mostly all classic rock, and I love a way bigger variety. Arnold can talk to anyone, and I am way more introverted and shy. He hates to read and we all know I love that ;) We're both mostly homebodies and don't have to always be out doing something to be happy. Basically our differences just keep things interesting, so that's good :)

How do you split up chores in your house? We never really set things up or even really discussed them seriously.. certain things just sort of fell in place. Arnold handles the yard work (recently Caleb started helping) and I may be old-fashioned but I HATE yard work. He also does most of the work our pets, although the kids and I help with walking, bathing, etc. I usually am the one washing the dishes, changing bed sheets, cleaning bathrooms, picking up household clutter, etc. We both share the load of doing laundry, it's a lot with 5 people here! Arnold usually takes the trash out. I pick out all the gifts for family/friends and occasions. We both pay bills and handle financial responsibilities together. And we have discovered WALMART GROCERY PICKUP so that makes things 100x easier now, not wasting the time at the store!



How do you celebrate anniversaries? We do something every year, even if it's just going out for a nice dinner and a movie, or something similar. We usually do this with a night off from the kids (thanks Grandparents!) On special anniversaries like 5 year, 10 year, etc. we sometimes do a little more. For our 10-year anniversary we went away to Boone and stayed in a nice hotel. I joke and say arnold better take me on a cruise for our 20-year anniversary ;-)

What do you argue about most? Probably how we spend our time, and money. Sounds like most couples, right?! I have always been a little too clingy and quality time is my "Love Language" so we used to argue about how much time we should spend together. But I've realized time apart and with friends, etc is very important, too. Money-- mostly just how should we spend this, should you have spent that, etc. But it's not too bad, we're pretty open with each other.



How do you split up holidays between families? Thankfully both our families are close, so we don't have too many problems with this. Every Easter we have a lunch after church with my family and see Arnold's family later. At Thanksgiving we usually have a meal with my family. We spend Christmas EVE with Arnold's parents and usually Christmas DAY with my parents.

What was one of the hardest times in your marriage? A few times come to mind. When we were first starting out, had 3 very young kids, and I wasn't working outside the home. We had a strict budget, we were always tired and stressed. Another very hard time was when I was a medical complication after Rachel was born, spent over a week in the hospital, and Arnold had to juggle our 3 kids and work, and my mental health which went downhill very quickly.



Who is good cop/bad cop with the kids?? There are certain things we can both be strict/soft about, but I'd say Arnold is way better at being a disciplinarian. Most people can tell you I'm too soft. I do give rules and guidelines and expect certain things, but I am more likely to give in or reduce punishments probably. However, I'm probably stricter about a few things, like bedtimes, schedules, and what they eat.

What have you learned from marriage? Tips? Talk about everything. This sounds cliche but it is very true. Let them know how you're feeling, what you spend money on, what you're scared about, what your future goals are, and all of that. Don't expect the other to just KNOW what you want and need, you have to communicate it to them. They are not a mind reader. Take time for you two as a couple every once in awhile, even in busy seasons with kids. One day your kids will be gone and it'll just be the two of you. Invest in your relationship NOW and keep it fresh.

A few WHO IS THE questions...


Nightowl?  Arnold

Sensitive One? Abby for sure

Worst Driver? Hmm.. Arnold would say Abby ;)

Risk Taker? More so Arnold

Handler of Finances? We share the responsibilities

One with the temper? Arnold

One who snores? Both of us!

Pickiest eater? Abby for sure

Big spender? Both at times

Jokey One? Arnold

Most Romantic? Abby (but Arnold has his moments :)

Planner? Abby

Outgoing one? Arnold

Artsy One? Arnold

Best secret keeper? Abby

Quarantine Life

So this whole past month has just felt strange... thanks to the Corona virus. We are on lock-down in North Carolina right now, and the kids are off school until at least May 15. When we found out the kids were going to be out of school for awhile, I decided to take some time off work. What originally started as a week and a half off has turned into a LOT more than that. Thankfully I had a little PTO time I was able to use for some of it. Arnold has had a strange half on/off schedule at work, but we are so blessed he is still getting paid. With my anxiety, this whole situation has been hard. I know it is a lot harder for those who are sick, or healthcare workers, or something similar. But I don't handle changes, disruptions in my routine, and unknown circumstances well. Just ask my husband. This whole time at home has been filled with mood swings, anxiety attacks, and insomnia. But I HAVE tried my best to stay as positive as I can. And I did come up with a few things that have come out of all this that have been good.

1. More time with the kids. On a normal workday I hardly see them at all. Sometimes we're like strangers passing in the night. But lately I see them a lot. I have gotten to experience distance learning with them, and be like their teacher. They have opened up to me about some things and we have talked more. We do daily devotionals as a family. They are getting older and I know I don't have a lot of time left to really spend that good quality time with them, and impart wisdom, and make memories. So this has been a good time for that.

2. More time for hobbies. I have gotten to do a LOT of reading. I have read a few books that were on my to-read list. I have been doing my own daily devotional dealing with either parenting or marriage. I have colored some in "fancy" coloring books with Rachel. And you'd think I would have blogged a lot more!

3. Sleeping in. I'm not a morning person. Never have been. Need I say more?! ;)

And here are some things we have been up to during this Quarantine time....

We have been doing distance learning at home. The kids got lessons from their teachers, and every week day we try to make sure they work on that, and get some reading done, and we try to get Brooke to practice her trumpet and the kids to get outside a little bit for sun and exercise. I also throw in some corny videos for them to watch from Netflix or Scholastic Study Jams....they roll their eyes at it, but they always learn something! ;) I started out making a pretty strict schedule, but that didn't last (haha.) Hey, as long ad we are getting some kind of education in them during this time, I am proud! 

Arnold and I have a date night every month, and that has changed with the lockdown and only being able to order out. So in March we went riding in the car together one night to pick up some Texas Roadhouse to-go. They actually have some pretty awesome "family pack" deals during this time at a lot of local restaurants. We got the pack with BBQ, sides, salad, and their delicious rolls. It is only $24.99 for a family 4 pack! (Rachel doesn't eat BBQ-- but that's another story for another time.)

Our church has been putting a virtual service online every week, and they decided to still have their musicians go on wed. night and play some praise songs, and record it for the service. So Arnold has gotten to go a few times and play guitar. We do airplay on his phone on sundays and send the service to our TV screen, so it's kinda cool seeing your husband on "tv." ;) The kids got a big kick out of it the first time. 

We have done a lot of things together including working on yard work, getting home projects done, taking walks around our neighborhood, watching the sunset, and other things we usually don't have any time for during the week. 

We did a little spring/easter decorating at the house. I put out some new throw pillows on the couches. The bunny pillow was handmade by a friend at church! I just love it. And when I was taking the picture, of course Rachel had to jump in. She loves the attention ;) 

A few times we have taken the kids to Dairy Queen or Pelicans to get treats. Last time Brooke tried the new Cotton candy dipped cone. I also introduced Rachel to the Rugrats, and she is hooked. I think we have already watched like over half the series on Hulu already. 

We saw the viral facebook post about painting a window or door design with a cross and sections with tape to take off later, to make it look like stained glass. I thought it was a perfect thing for the kids to do, although they got bored halfway through painting and Arnold and I finished it up ;) We used regular masking tape and Arnold made the design on the door. Then we used Crayola washable paints for the colors. I haven't had the heart to wash the door yet, but it CLAIMS it's supposed to be easy to clean off! 

Finished product! It really brightened up our screen door and even though not a lot of people saw it but a few neighbors and maybe the UPS man (haha!)(its on theside of the house) it still made me happy every time I saw it :) It was perfect for Easter. 

We celebrated Easter but of course it wasn't the same. Every year I dress the kids up and we try to color coordinate and take a nice family picture at church or my parents' house. It bummed me so much to not do that this year. I know we could have dressed up and taken one outside anyway, but the kids were whining so much about that, so I just let them spend the day in their lounge clothes. (sigh.. teenagers..) I still made them baskets.. and was able to fill them up nicely thanks to amazon, walmart pickup, and stuff like that. We watched our church service on the tv like we have been doing. 

We had no clue what to do for easter dinner. Most of you know I am NOT a good cook. Or even if I kinda am when I follow directions.. a huge holiday meal like that would stress me out. I would HATE it. So we decided on Olive Garden takeout! haha. Totally random but it sounded good, and they even had a promotion where I got a 2nd meal for free for lunch the next day ;) I DID however miss my Mom's cooking very much, and was sad not to spend Easter at their house this year. 

That same easter weekend I was missing my parents so much and I knew they had missed seeing the kids. My dad had also been saying he couldn't find TP anywhere in stores. So I split open one of the big packs we had at home, filled up a basket with it, some paper towels, and some M&M eggs, and added a note that said you've been Egged and TPd! (I saw it on pinterest ;) And we drove over to their house and dropped it off thru the window and waved and talked a few minutes. They are totally used to my crazy shenanigans by now, so I don't think they were even surprised I asked to take this picture of them for later. 

We have been trying to spend a lot of time outside, taking walks together and walking our little guy, Sheldon. I tried to take a nice pic of the kids outside the other day since we were already all together, but the wind was crazy. Their hair was going everywhere, and poor Shelly's ears too :D 

Speaking of more time for hobbies.. I read Little Fires Everywhere so quickly! It was such a good book! I started the series on Hulu, too, after I saw it on there. I am only 3 episodes in, but it is good so far. 

Arnold and I binged the Mc Millions series on Hulu. It was pretty good, Arnold was probably more into it than I was. I can't believe so many people out there are that stupid and lack of morals. They didn't even get that much punishment after what they did, either. But the series was entertaining. Except for that Agent Matthews. OMG he bugged me so bad. Anyone else watch and know what I'm talking about?!?! 

And YES we were THOSE people who binged the Tiger King, also. I saw it hyped up so much, tried one episode and was hooked. It is not my type of TV at all usually, but it was a train wreck, and I could not look away. That Joe Exotic is one strange man. In one scene of the series that showed his bedroom, his quilt looked awfully familiar to me. I'm pretty sure we have the same one!! It is purple with flowers and came from Walmart several years ago. That makes me feel so disturbed.. although I couldn't NOT share that little tidbit with my friends ;) So what did everyone else think of this show? And I always have to ask everyone now.. did Carol do it? Because Arnold and I say oh heck yeah she did! That woman is creepy, and even crazier that Joe Exotic.