This is a picture of my dad holding me, the day they adopted me. I was dressed in a little white dress, and placed in a fancy bassinet for them to see when they walked in the room :)
As you all know, this past month has been a rollercoaster for me. I thought I would write my backstory and all about my journey to fill in details.
I was born on July 1st, 1985. I'm not sure of the town, or hospital, or a lot of details about myself at birth. I wasn't given a name. I spent the first 5 weeks of life with a foster family, then was adopted in August of 85 through an adoption center in Greensboro called Children's Home Society.
My adoptive parents, Guynell and Richard, were never able to have children of their own. They tried, and they even visited a doctor, but they couldn't find any logical reasons why they couldn't have kids. So they decided to look into adoption. They adopted me in 85 and my younger brother, Alex, from the same center 4 years later. Alex came from another family, so we are not biological siblings.
I had an amazing childhood and love my family very much. They were honest with me from the get-go about me being adopted, and never tried to hide things from me. I remember feeling curious and confused, but I was never upset with it. I was just happy I was being raised in a loving home. Over the years I did start to have questions about what had happened that caused me to be given up, what my pregnancy and birth were like, and what my birth parents looked like. Richard and Guynell were given very limited information, including general appearance of my mother, some health history, and such.. but no identifying information. The records were sealed and it was a "closed" adoption, which was very common in the 80s. Over the years I really never thought about being adopted, I always forogt about it actually, except for on certain occasions. Every year on my birthday I would wonder if my biological mother was thinking about me that day. If someone told me I looked or didn't look like my adoptive parents.. I would explain why. If we had to do family trees and history for a school assignment I would just do it for my adoptive family.. but would start thinking more about my biological background.
Earlier this year, Arnold got me an ancestry kit as a gift. I had been thinking about doing one for the longest time. I wanted to know my background of where I came from and what I had in me, and if I had an DNA matches, then that was just icing on the cake. I spit in the tube, sent it off, and waited for weeks to get the results. On the Sunday evening i got the text, I went straight online to the ancestry website and looked up my results. I saw I had tons and tons of matches, but none were "close" matches. The closest matches were possible cousins and more distant cousins and relatives. I was a little discouraged, but still happy to have the information I had gotten.
For the next few days I went on the ancestry messenger and sent messages to all my closest matches, asking if they know anything about a woman in their family who had given a baby up for adoption. Everyone either responded that they didn't know, or they didn't respond to my message at all. Then one day I got a message from a very distant cousin, who was British, named Dennis. He said hi and asked me about my background. He is very into ancestry and solving mysteries, so he wanted to try to solve my adoption story. He made family trees, family connections, and worked day and night on it, and eventually gave up. The family tree on my father's side is just extremely large and was hard to put everything together. That same week a guy named Rich, who is a cousin, messaged me and said he is a scientist in NC and loves ancestry and DNA, and wanted to help me figure out my background, too. He worked and worked on my family trees and matches for weeks. I was beginning to feel like my life was a mystery challenge, and everyone was having the greatest time trying to crack the code. Meanwhile, I was going through emotional ups and downs, wondering if I'd ever get any real answers.
I had practically given up and gone back to real life when I met more cousins from the site, named Trevor and Cindy. They also started talking to me every day and wanting to crack this mystery. We found a lot of possible matches but they just didn't fit. Then one day with some general information I had gotten from a search angel, an NC birth records index, and some snooping, Cindy sent me a couple of FB profiles that MIGHT fit the last name of my possible birth mother (her now married name) I looked into their pictures, it was two brothers. They were both tall, with darker features, and I thought maybe this is a possibility? Then I looked into some pictures and found one of them in the 90's with their parents. When I looked at the woman, I got chillbumps. I saw MY FACE. Keep in mind this was at 3 AM one morning. I had been obsessed with this for days and was staying up late trying to get all the information I could before I got tired. After seeing the picture, I started pacing the house and freaking out. I really thought that was it. Everything matched-- the hair and eye color, she wore glasses like I was told, was tall and had long legs. Oh and did I mention.. she looked JUST LIKE ME?! I sent the pictures to a few friends and they all agreed. We could be twins.
After a few days of trying to get over the shock that this might actually finally be it, I decided I wanted to try to contact this woman. Cindy helped me find some phone numbers, and we tried every one of them. They were all out of service or the wrong person. We couldn't find an email for her. I tried to message her on Facebook, but she didn't have messenger so she never got it. I didn't want to contact her sons in case they didn't know about me and I didn't want to start any family drama. Cindy talked to one of the sons and said we were doing some research on their family name, and I was a match to their family line. She asked if my possibile Bio mom would contact me. He and his mother seemed very skeptical, as I figured they might. They thought there was a possibility that we were trying to scam them. At this point we were already in too far, and I just told him the truth, through facebook messenger. I asked him to ask her if she had given a baby up for adoption on July 1, 1985. And she said... yes. I FOUND HER.
Needless to say, I shocked the heck out of this family. Turns out I have 2 half brothers and they are both a little younger than me. They all still live in NC, and the younger son I was talking to happened to be with his mom that day, so he was able to support her while she was in shock, and talk to her and me and kindof be our intermediary. My bio mother turns out to be a quiet and private person, and was having a hard time talking directly to me (which I understand!) so we talked through her son for awhile. I told her a little about my life so far, and thanked her so much for giving me life. I sent her a few pictures of me growing up, and we swapped baby pictures (I see where I got my baldness from as a baby! haha) She pulled out my birth records and adoption records, which she still had at her house. All along, her son was telling me she was very emotional and processing all this, and they were very happy I had tracked them down. Her son and I are already friends on facebook, and he has been so very kind and friendly to me, acting like I belonged right away.
So I know everyone is dying to know where we go from here? Honestly I don't know. I just dropped a huge bomb on these people, and I know it will take awhile for them to come to terms with it. From what I see, my biological mother is a very sweet person, and right now she is just scared to talk to me, which I am too!!! I am open to just about anything moving forward, we will just have to wait and see how it plays out. My brothers said they are open to finding out more about me and maybe even meeting one day down the road. They have encouraged their mom to reach out to me when she's ready, and I really hope she does. This feels like a while new adventure for me. I have waited almost 35 years for these answers. I finally feel relief.
A few FAQ for you--
Why did I search? Don't I love my family? YES!!! DO NOT BE MISTAKEN! I love my parents and brother so much and I am NOT looking for a replacement mother/family. I have had an amazing life and owe it all to them. But adoptees always feel like they are missing a little piece of themselves, and that is natural. I never know even the basic things that people take for granted, like what town I was born in. What my birth was like. What medical issues run in the family. I NEEDED these answers for me own sanity and curiosity.
Do I know who my biological father is? No, not yet. Although I would be open to finding this out. I haven't asked my bio mother yet because we are still getting acquainted. We found his family on ancestry, but the only way to surely track him down will be from a family member confirming it, or if he took a DNA test.
When will I share pics and more details? I want to SO badly.. I look so much like my biological mother that it is crazy. I want you guys to see. But I'm trying to respect their privacy still at this point, and am waiting until I feel its appropriate to share more details.
So the DNA kit really didn't solve this mystery?! We didn't exactly track down my mother with proven DNA, but without the ancestry kit I wouldn't have met all these awesome people who have helped me through this journey.
How am I feeling??? So many emotions. I've been anxious. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been excited. I've felt worried that they might reject me. I've felt relief that I don't have to look anymore. I've felt happy that I've met so many biological relatives along the way. I feel thankful that God answered my prayers to make this happen.
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