Since I last wrote, I found my biological father. DNA from the ancestry site had linked me to several distant relatives, and it turns out that huge family tree that was so confusing was from the father's side. I have been in contact with his sister through facebook, and she has sent me some pictures and some family medical background. She told me he'd like to be able to talk to me, and even gave his phone number. I have decided not to contact him, though. I have been using a website during all of this, that allows me to do somewhat of a background check on people. Since I knew going into this I would probably be introducing myself and my family to a lot of potential strangers, I wanted to be as safe as possible. Turns out, my biological father lives in Florida. He has had 4 other children. And unfortunately, he has a criminal record. And I'm not talking just minor things that people get excused or did when they were young and stupid.. a few disturbing things. Without going into details, I knew right away I didn't want to make contact with him. I am a very non-judgmental person, and I can get along with just about anyone, but I have to be careful, especially since I have children. Anyway, I was a little disappointed, but I am ok with the news that I do have. I have a name, a few pictures, and some background, and that's enough for me.
Now onto more about my biological mother, Donna, and her family. I still have not talked to her, and while it is a little disheartening for me, I understand she has no obligation to talk to me. A few nights I found myself tearing up thinking why didn't she want to know me? But I think we are just very similar. I have always had anxiety and worried about every little thing. And I think she is the same way. I have had a little longer time to process all this, since I was searching for awhile. And I don't think the shock has really worn off for her, yet. I have talked to a few family members and they say to just be patient, and shell hopefully come around. I sure do hope so!
My younger bio brother, Jamie, who was helping me talk to Donna through him at first, has been out of town on work this week, and will be for awhile. So that has made things tougher right now for me, but I am being patient. I know these people have lives and I can't disrupt them. I continue to keep in contact with Jamie through facebook, and hes a raelly great guy. He sent me some pictures of their family, and I have given him more info on myself and my family. He says that he'd be open to meeting me and my family one day. I think I would be, too. And I'm hoping by the time that comes, several of the family members will want to be included!!:)
I wanted to share an update about my parents Guynell and Richard, and how they are doing. I was very, very nervous about telling my mom the news about finding Donna, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But she was very happy for me, and so supportive. That was such a relief to me. We talked, I showed her all the pictures I'd been sent, and she agreed I looked just like Donna. My dad is a lot like me, he just sat off to the side and listened. Made a few jokes. Then went to mow the yard. haha! I think he is doing ok with it all, also, but he's not always the most openly emotional person. Mom said that she was excited, and that we should go on a trip to meet Donna's family!! I told her to hold on a minute, that things were still so new. :P But I'm relieved to know that in the future she'd be willing to go with me. My sister-in-law has also said shed love to go with me if I traveled to meet them. Their family lives out near the coast so who knows-- we might be having a future family vacation! ;)
My facebook has been filling up with lots of family members and distant cousins that I've met through ancestry, or through Donna's family. I feel happy knowing that for the most part, everyone is very supportive of this and have welcomed me kindly. It occasionally feels a little strange because I don't want to overstep or hurt feelings on either side-- adoptive or birth family. But I figure this can only be good news. I love my parents, and they gave me a great life, and they will never be replaced. I now have more people in my life to love, and while I know the love from them won't be the same as the love from my adoptive family, I feel blessed. This also is crazy that it all happened so close to mother's day. For the first mother's day in my life, I will not just wonder if my biological mother is thinking of me that day, I will know it. :)
AND a few more FAQ people have requested:
Will I EVER come around to contacting my bio father? No, probably not. I am happy with the information I have been given. I just don't want to take the risk. If it wasn't for that record, almost 99 percent chance that yes, I would have called him.
What things run in your family? Well we've discovered that diabetes runs on both sides. And it also runs in Arnold's family, so I guess we need to watch out for the kids in the future. Also, heart problems run in my father's side. I've always been terrified I'd die one day of a heart attack! A lot of the family on Donna's side wears glasses. I wear them when driving, and could probably stand to wear them all the time if I were honest!!
Will my kids get to meet Donna's family? I hope so!!! I have included them in this whole situation, and been honest. They get just as excited as me when I find new things out. I'd love Donna to meet her biological grandchildren some day :)
How am I feeling now? Mostly SO HAPPY! I feel relief that the search is over. I feel so joyous that so many people have been trying to get to know me. A little part of me still feels scared Donna won't reach out, but I am choosing to have HOPE!!!! :)
Any interesting tidbits to share? My biological grandfather was in the navy for years! A lot of my cousins want me to attend their huge family reunion they have every year. We'll see... :D
And for your viewing pleasure (haha) a few pictures to share....
This is my biological father.
This is Donna's highschool picture.
This is Donna's son, Jamie (brother!!)
This is Wes, Donna's other son (another brother!) And his fiance. They were actually supposed to get married this past month, but had to delay the wedding due to the Coronavirus :(
This is Donna and her siblings. Cute kids :)
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