1. You can't change your husband. Your husband is a unique person. He has a different makeup, background, and upbringing than you. He will sometimes do things that hurt you or annoy you. But this is all normal. Don't go around comparing him to other men, or wishing he could be better at this, or at that. If something is bothering you or there is something you don't like, pray about it. God can work on people's hearts, and help you become stronger. If you try to change someone, it will just end in bitterness.
2. Your husband cannot read your mind. Boy I wish they could! Would make things so much easier ;) So many times I get upset with Arnold because he didn't do exactly what I was imagining or hoping for. Sometimes I put too much expectations on an event or an issue. But if there is something you want, you have to tell him. Feeling stressed and need some time away from the kids? Tell him. Need him to help you finish a household task? Tell him. Feeling down and just need a hug? Tell him. I have told Arnold this several times ;) As much as you are in tune with each other, he can't always guess the right thing to do in the moment, and that's ok.
3. You should still "date" your spouse. I really think this one is important. Arnold and I have tried to have regular dates over the years. I KNOW not everyone is fortunate enough to have family close by and it is hard to get away. But just know that it is important to work on your marriage. Even something as simple as watching a movie and cuddling up after the kids go to bed. Yes you are Mom and Dad, but you are also husband and wife. One day your kids will leave home and you will be just a couple again. You don't want to forget why you got married in the first place. Try to keep the spark alive ;)
4. Let the little things go. So what if he left his socks on the floor beside the bed? So what if he forgot to fix the shelf you had asked about. So what if he didn't replace the toilet paper? Yes I know these things can bug women, but in the grand scheme of things, they are not that important. Don't be a complaining and nagging wife. I've made that mistake many times, and husbands hate it. Focus on the good in the person instead. Remember all the things he DOES do for you.
5. You don't have to be together every second. I used to have a hard time with this one. I tend to be too clingy with people. I used to hate it if Arnold left to go do something with friends or family. But now I realize it is a good thing. You and your spouse have different hobbies and likes. Getting time to yourself to enjoy these things is good. Also, keeping up with your friendships and investing in them is important. I myself love a good girls night with friends ;) And as they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder ;)
6. You can't give up when times get tough. Oh there have been so many times when we got very mad at each other, were hurt, and ready to throw in the towel. But we worked through it, and thanks to God, we are still standing strong. Now obviously I know there are cases when a marriage cannot be saved, but in our case thankfully, we have been able to work out things that have come our way. Marriage is a vow to each other and God, and I truly believe God can mend relationships and make broken things new again.
7. Learn each others' "love languages." Who has read the book about this? It is really an eye opener! My love language is quality time. I love it when my husband picks me to spend time with.. and this is even the case with my friends. I feel most loved when someone wants to be with me. But everyone is different. Some people may show love through words, or acts, or gifts. I used to get offended that Arnold might not always be the most romantic or send me lots of flowers.. but then I realized he did lots of other things for me that were actually his way of showing me love! Like making sure my car was filled up with gas, sending me funny memes when I was having a bad day, or bringing a candy bar home for me when he had been grocery shopping. Love doesn't always have to be grand gestures.
8. Respect means more than you know. Respect is so important in a marriage. Especially to men. Guys want to feel like we support them and their decisions and goals. They want to feel like we are on their side. We shouldn't be out gossiping to friends or strangers about that thing we don't like about him, or speaking negatively about him. If you treat a guy with respect, it will make him feel like king of the world, believe me.
9. Don't look to your spouse to complete you. So many women feel like they have to have a man to complete them. But our identity is in God. God should be number one in your life, even before your spouse. No things wouldn't be better if he loved you "just a little bit more," or if you guys were more like that other couple you know. True happiness has to come from inside, knowing that God loves you first and foremost, and that having a husband to do life with is just a sweet added bonus ;)
10. Love is a verb.. I LOVE this saying that I have read in many books. Love is not a feeling, it is a verb. Even though you love your spouse, there will be times you will not like him! You can't just decide because you don't feel all mushy to him that day that things must have gone stale. You have to actually seek out ways to love him and work on your marriage. Putting in the effort is what makes things work. Those sweet lovey-dovey feelings you feel when you are dating will not last forever. Life happens, and you have to keep working at it.
11. Let your kids see the example of your marriage. We like to be honest with our kids, especially as they get older. We want them to know that a good marriage takes a lot of work, and it can be achieved. They have seen us argue. And they have seen us work things out. They have seen us cry and yell, they know that everyone experiences emotions. And yes they see us hold hands and kiss and stuff, and even though they say its gross, I know deep down this is good for them. I want to set an example for them like my parents did. Seeing how they lived day to day and them work through the good and bad made me realize I could do it, too.
12. Keep God at the center of your marriage. The most important thing! A marriage cannot survive without the support of GOD in your marriage! All things should be done to the glory of God, even marriage. It is a good thing for a husband and wife to attend church together, pray together, and read the bible together. Honoring your spouse is also showing honor to God. Staying active in the church or the community together is a great way to serve others, while spending time together. God designed marriage for us to have someone to help us through our days on earth, and boy I sure am glad he did! :)
