Wednesday, October 30, 2013
So, this is what failure means: "an instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success."
And that is definitely how I feel right now. Do you ever have that kind of week? Where it seems you can do nothing right? Yeah, I am in the midst of that.. and it's not every Friday yet!
Here are a few examples of why I'm feeling this way...
1. I was backing up and ran smack into my mailbox, and knocked it over. Wouldn't have been so bad except that is not the first time that thing has had to be put back up! AND I'm thinking the neighbors saw me, and I know they already believe I'm not that great of a driver :x
2. I was fussing at the kids, for not paying attention and getting their homework done faster. When in reality, it wasn't that big of an issue, just me being impatient.
3. I made a fairly nice dinner the other night, had everyone sitting down and eating it, and Arnold's plate got cold. To be fair, he WAS home later than usual from work, but I still felt bad. I try to time things out just right, and it doesn't always work.
4. Last night I was playing with Rachel and then was rocking her back and forth, just being silly. Caleb came up to me and said "why do you like her the best?" Oh wow. Have I been making it seem like I have a favorite? Because that is not the case at all! Sure, I react with my kids very differently. They are different genders and have very different personalities. But I didn't know Caleb was feeling left out. Need to work on that. Note to self: learn more about "boy stuff!"
5. Brooke has had to have so much dental work. Even thought we take care of all the kids' teeth the same way, she has been doomed with repeated cavities, fillings, crowns, and even extractions. On top of that, she has dealt with seizures in the past and now ADHD. She is only 7- why is she having to go through all this? It kills me to see her struggle. I don't want her to feel any pain. Part of her dental issues might be from thumb-sucking. She DID suck her thumb for a really long time, come to think of it. Should I have tried to get her to stop? Is it partly my fault her teeth and jaw are messed up? Sheesh. I thought I was actually escaping problems when none of mine would take a pacifier!
Anyway, I could go on, but I won't bore you. So that is what I'm dealing with lately. I just feel so let-down and un-sure of myself. It is hard to keep up with life. It's amazing how one day you can feel top-of-the-world and so confident in yourself, and then the next you feel like you are worth nothing.
But I guess I have to remember that to fail from time to time is human, but you have to rise up and try again. Sometimes again AND again. If you refuse to try, THEN you become a "failure." No one is immunue to failure and heartache, not even Christians. Not even those of us who feel we are "very close" in our walk with God. Sometimes it doesn't feel fair. But I know that God is there to help me get through those times. I looked up and found "let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." That is Hebrews 12:1 in the Bible.
So I hope I am not the only who experiences these kinds of days (weeks??!) I'm sure I'm not. Thanks for letting me ramble. And for anyone else going through a tough week, remember that you always have someone on your side.