Saturday, January 15, 2011

Made it 2 Weeks!!

Some of you know that I have been on anxiety meds (ativan) for the past year and a half. After I got out of the hospital w/ the bloodclots, I started having really bad panic attacks, and general anxiety about things happening to me again, so the dr prescribed me the meds.. supposed to be for short-term use. But i ended up having a lot of anxiety issues over the next several months, so i stayed on them. Last summer i decided to start weaning off them, so I came down half a pill in the afternoons. That was REALLY rough. They said that its a really hard drug to come off of, and can be really difficult withdrawl symptoms. I started feeling pretty down and anxious when first came off them, then a week or so into it I started having insomnia. Really bad.. i didnt hardly sleep for 8 days. I was a walking zombie. I was just at such a low point. But i stuck it out and eventually I got used to the new dosage.

It took me until this year to get the courage to try the weaning process again. I figured Id go even slower this time around, so 2 weeks ago I stared cutting my afternoon pill to just 1/4. I didnt feel much at first, it was going pretty well and I was surprised. Then a week in I started feeling depressed. One day I was just so tired with no energy what-so-ever and laid around in bed 3/4 of the day. Thank the Lord that we had snowdays that day and ARnold was home from work to help me out, or I dont think I would have gotten thru it. He said he thinks that happened for a reason and he was there to help me out when I really needed it! So anyway, then I gradually started feeling better again.. then a few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night, it was about 3 am. And i had a racing heart and some bad anxiety and just couldnt sleep.. it was the worst feeling. I sat up in bed and woke up Arnold. He talked to me for alittle bit but he fell back asleep. So I tried my best to lay back down and think of happy thoughts and I ended up drifting back to sleep and slept pretty well.

So as of today I have offically made it 2 weeks! and i am soo proud of myself. It sounds simple, but its really tough going through something like this. I used to think depression and anxiety were just being "sad" or "worried" until i experienced both and realized that they were true medical conditions, with mental changes and physical changes. Its nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It has been a long road, but I think it has made me stronger. The reason i started weaning in the first place is that the pills make me feel really sedated, and sometimes pretty dizzy and in a fog. I just want to be able to be there the best i can for my kids, So i would like to start re-training my brain how to live without the meds. My plan now is to give each dose cut-down a month or two, and then move on to the next if everything is going ok. Next step would be to cut my MORNING pill in half, and im going to try for that around March.

Thanks for all the support Ive gotten from a lot of you, and I appreciate any and all prayers you could spare for me as I continue through with this! :)

1 comment:

  1. I'm proud of you, too! I can't imagine how hard that must be. I'm here for you though, cheering you on! :D